Good Scars Evil Scars
by Fin-Anoushka
Summary: Sometimes it's hard to be objective. Especially if the gap between you is this large.


For obvious reasons, Peter had much more free time in his hands than Raivis. The representative - or the national spirit - of The Principalty of Sealand naturally wasn't as occupied with official duties as his Latvian counterpart, with his _very_ small population and little to no meetings with the leaders of his country, and _literally_ no meetings at all with the leaders of other countries.

In a way, this worked to the advantage of them both, at least when you compared their situation to that of many of their friends. One person with little free time and other with much of it was better than two equally busy people. Of course "proper" nations always had their official meetings together that offered them the time to socialise - if they wanted to - but as it happened to be, the reasons for those meetings unfortunately usually cast at least some sort of shadow over the people involved, preventing a complete relaxation between them even after the official part had ended.

Latvia and Sealand did not have this problem.

…The sad side to all this was, though, that only Latvia seemed to _fully_ grasp and appreciate this fact.

"But why can't I…?"Sealand was leaning to the kitchen table while staring at Latvia - or actually he was half lying on top of it, rolling a coin from hand to hand. His cheek was connected to the polished wooden surface and his eyebrows were furrowed in a way that matched the pout of his lips perfectly, creating the most unambiguous display of dissatisfaction. Latvia, on the other hand, was standing by the stove, back turned towards his young lover, chewing on his lower lip fretfully while stirring the soup slowly cooking on the gas-heated range. It was already dark outside, for it was winter and as far up north as they were, the darkness fell upon lands quickly. The clock on the wall told them that it was only half past six, but outside the sky was already the colour of dark indigo, and had been so for quite a while.

It had started like this many times before.

Whenever Latvia found the time between his seemingly endless duties, he would ask Sealand to come over, he would _always_ ask him to come over. Or at least most of the time. And Sealand would say yes pretty much without exceptions.

When he came, Latvia would warmly welcome the other man inside and they would chat a lot at first, telling each other what was new for both of them. After a while the discussion would slow down a bit and they'd move to the kitchen where Latvia would finally start cooking something for them to eat, for he always wanted to hear Sealand's opinion about what he wanted before he'd dare to start cooking anything. Eventually sounds of speech would die out completely for a minute or two, during which they would share a comfortable silence… Or what had since the couple first times turned into a "painstaking waiting of the inevitable," as Latvia had later started to describe it.

The inevitable would be Sealand asking to stay over longer than what they had originally planned.

And the just as inevitable answer would always have to be "no".

Every single time.

They had had this conversation so, _so_ many times before, but every time the situation would be a _little_ different from the previous one, allowing Sealand to cling to this new "special situation" which was _obviously_ outside the jurisdiction of all pre-existing conclusions that explained why he couldn't stay.

"I can wait for you in here," Sealand continued with a grumbling voice, stretching the last syllable and crossing his arms under his jaw, abandoning the coin that rolled to the very edge of the table before it fell on its side right before it would've dropped on the floor. Sighing deeply, Latvia reached to rub his forehead with the heel of his trembling palm and reached for the pot holders on the counter, increasingly fidgety. He hated this part of these visitations. He hated denying the longer visit from Sealand, but he knew he had to. It just wouldn't work any other way. But having to wrestle over this issue over and over again made the stress that came with it become increasingly hard to bear every time, and with the stress both his shuddering and stuttering worsened.

"I d-don't know h-how long I will b-be e-elsewhere," he said and shakily lifted the pot up from the stove and put it aside with the pot holders, "I-I m-might even h-have to stay t-the whole n-ni-IGHT…!"

"Raivis!"

Standing up quickly with an ear-wrenching creak of the chair's heavy legs against the floor, Sealand shot towards the other who hastily lifted his hand before he could possibly crash into him with - most likely - grave consequences.

"It's a-alright, it's just a l-little b-b-burn," he said, lowering his hand to grab the burnt one, smiling shakily but still smiling. If a burn could distract the other's mind from _the_ most unwanted topic of all conversations, Latvia would welcome dozens more, "I-It's nothing to w-worry about, r-really, Peter." Moving to the sink, he opened the tap and put his hand under the cold water, licking his lips and swallowing nervously before closing his eyes. He had gotten too worked up over what he was saying and hadn't realised he was grabbing the hot iron pot with his bare hand.

When Latvia smiled at him, Sealand's initial reaction of absolute _"I WILL SAVE YOU"_ calmed down a bit and he gingerly moved to stand next to him, staring while he rinsed his hand and then frowning slightly in disapproval. "…Geez, you should be more careful..!" he said and even sounded a bit upset, but both of them knew he was actually angry at himself for making the other so nervous that he ended up burning himself. Neither would say it aloud, though, but the knowledge of it was what really mattered.

For a while neither said anything, and Latvia was really grateful for that. The burn didn't hurt anymore, nor had it hurt much in the first place. He had just been surprised by it. For someone like him, "pain" could not be associated with something so trivial.

Pain was so much more.

"…Hey, hey, should I bring you a plaster? Where do you keep your plasters anyway? How much does it hurt? I know that burns can hurt quite a bit, you know? I know that because I got so many of them when I almost got burnt down, remember that? It was really quite awful."

Smiling slightly, Latvia sighed and opened his eyes, turning to look at the Sealander and nodding at everything he was saying. It was truly calming to be cared for like this, and when the other wasn't shouting, his voice was really pleasing to listen to. It was too bad he shouted so often, especially when it happened over a phone.

"Yes, I remember it. And you're r-right. It was v-very awful."

Closing the tap and pulling his hand from the sink, Latvia reached towards a small kitchen towel hanging from the cupboard but Sealand was faster and eagerly grabbed it, offering it to him. "Here," he said, leaning closer to take a look at the burn, "…Ha!" - Latvia winced at the loud noise - "It doesn't look bad, it's just red! It'll heal alright." Grinning victoriously at his lover, who was now rubbing his ear with his good hand, Sealand proceeded to pull back his sleeve to show a series of slightly elevated burn marks, some string-like and some almost the shape of liquid after being splashed against a hard surface. Some of the marks were lighter, almost skin colour, some reddish, and a few deep dark brown.

Staring blankly, Latvia blinked once, twice.

It was so sudden.

But Sealand kept on talking.

"I hadn't ever felt anything like it, so of course I was shocked- not afraid of course..! But I was really shocked, and it was just… So weird," frowning slightly, Sealand looked up at Latvia with puzzled eyes, "…No one did that to _me_, but because… Because _I_ was burning, I felt the burns too… And then I got these scars." He finally finished with a shrug of shoulder, pulling his sleeve back on.

He was almost ready to switch the subject as Latvia didn't seem to pick on when he remembered something. It was a flashback just like those in movies, where a sudden image just… _flashes_ through your mind. In this case it was an image of Latvia, naked and in a bed with him, his whole body illuminated by the moonlight reflected from snow coming through the window and more or less covered in scars.

_...Oh_

Wincing inwardly, Sealand suddenly felt an urgent need to hit himself. How could he have forgotten..? Scars were a big deal for their kind. You just didn't go and show them off, he had learned this quickly from that uptight brother of his after he had gotten his first ones few years ago. Biting his lip nervously, he gingerly looked at the Latvian again, hoping he wasn't upset.

When Latvia saw the serious look Sealand gave him after that weird series of expressions coming and going on his face, he flinched and blinked, turning to look away and starting to fidget once again. "W-What..?" Yes, he had been a bit shocked at how casually Sealand just shoved his injuries in his face, but he understood that he didn't see them as such a big deal, being so young.

And of course _his _scars were the results of an accident.

_Aw crap he isn't looking at me… What should I do… Is it really bthat/b big of a deal..?_ Looking increasingly troubled as Latvia continued to avert his gaze, Sealand finally decided to act and took his hand, the one that the other didn't hold close to his chest. When he did so, Latvia quickly snapped his head around and finally stared back at him with wide eyes, and they stood in the middle of the kitchen like that for few long moments before Sealand finally found it in him to utter out The Word.

"…Sorry."

After saying it, he turned to look down and seemingly tried to dig a hole to the floor with his foot, squeezing the fair-haired boy's hand tightly. In truth, he really wanted to know what were all those scars about that he had seen before. It didn't feel right that he didn't know, he loved Latvia. He loved _Raivis._

And he really wanted to know.

Tilting his head slightly after Sealand broke the eye contact, his eyes fluttering away the tears that had gathered there while he had forgotten to blink, Latvia didn't move for a moment before his face finally melted into a smile. This time without trembling, even with his hand tightly trapped in the other's iron hold. This is what he loved in the other. This, right here. Perer was like them, but he was so not _like_ them.

He was better than the rest of them.

"I-It's alright," he said gently, squeezing his hand back gently, "You didn't d-do… Or say anything w-wrong."

Turning to look back up, Sealand stared at him unsurely but hopefully.

"I didn't..?"

"You didn't."

Smiling at him again, Latvia moved his burnt hand away from his chest and offered it for the other to take. Blinking, Sealand looked at him questioningly before taking a hold of it, carefully as if it were something extremely fragile, creating a striking contrast between their two sets of joined hands. This too warmed Latvia's heart like only something so seemingly insignificant could. Briefly glancing at the soup and seeing that steam was still positively rising from it, he looked back at his lover and shrugged his shoulders subtly, tilting his head towards the kitchen door.

"Let's g-go sit down for a m-moment..?"

Sealand more than happily agreed to this plan and pulled the slightly taller boy after him into the living room, not letting go of either of his hands, not even when they reached the couch and sat down on it. All the while he just stared at him, his expression a nice mess of emotions ranging from deep affection to the lingering agitation over the issue regarding his lack of knowledge about the origin and meaning behind his lover's scars. This agitation didn't go unnoticed by the Latvian, and he leaned a bit closer, wetting his lips and opening his mouth hesitantly.

"W-What's wrong, Peter..?"

Blenching slightly and for a moment looking like a thief caught red handed, Sealand turned to look up at the ceiling, as if he hadn't heard what the other said, before he gave in to his curiosity and embarrassedly started to mumble.

"I just… About those-… Ugh…"

Chewing on his lip, he squeezed Latvia's hands tightly, forgetting that one of them had just been burnt, but Latvia didn't even flinch, barely noticing it and just waiting for the other to say what he had to say, heart pounding. It wasn't usual for the other to stagger like this. Then the Sealander finally managed to mutter out what was troubling him.

"…About those scars..?"

He scanned the Latvian nervously, ready to shut up if the situation called for it. He had somehow learnt over the years that sometimes silence truly was the most virtuous of all the presented options. But Latvia didn't look too uneasy after hearing those words. He actually seemed to… calm down a bit? Or what was the meaning of those shoulders slumping like that?

_So it was just about that…_ Dwelling on his relief for a moment, Latvia exhaled deeply and closed his eyes, leaning back just slightly. For a moment he had been painting devils on the inner walls of his skull, diverting his thoughts to the worst case scenarios of what the Sealander could say. Luckily it had just been about the scars. Not to say they were to be taken lightly, but they were something he could handle. Opening his eyes after a moment, he gazed back at the younger man.

"..You want t-to know where I got m-mine..? I-is t-that it?"

When he received an earnest nod, Latvia sighed and looked down, giving it a quick and quiet consideration inside his mind before he locked his eyes with the Sealander again and bobbed his head shakily. "Okay," he said and pulled his hands carefully from the other's hold, bringing them to the buttons of his shirt, starting to open them one by one while Sealand stared at his every movement as if he was spellbound. Not saying a word, not moving an inch. He could feel it in the air. This was something extremely intimate and important.

Closing his eyes after he reached the third button, Latvia trembled slightly but continued either way. This was the right thing to do. They were lovers. Sealand didn't feel the need to hide his scars from him, so why would he? Even though some inner voice told him that the two couldn't be compared, he shunned it and finally reached the hem of his shirt, stopping for the shortest moment before unbuttoning the last button left and letting the shirt slide off his shoulders. Luckily he always kept the curtains in his living room shut in the evening, a remnant of the times when Russia could appear behind any of them at any time, and a proof of his paranoia that still existed to this day.

Sealand had seen this before, so it didn't draw any gasps or other involuntary voices from him, but this was the first time he actually _looked_ at them without other more important things to do occupying his mind. As Latvia opened his eyes, he stared at him, smiling fondly to reassure the trembling Baltic and lifting his hand.

"Can I..?"

Receiving a compliant nod from the Latvian, Sealand didn't waste time and slowly leaned closer, his fingertips brushing against the large vertical scar across the whole of the pale boy's chest.

Shivering when the fingers graced his skin, Latvia hung his head low and inhaled deeply as the other pressed his palm against his skin and started to move it surprisingly tenderly against all the scars, moving from his chest to his abdomen, then back up to his shoulders, his arms… And all the while memories played inside Latvia's head, as if each individual scar was a direct link to his mind, that only needed a touch to stir a memory into motion. And all of those triggers were now being pulled, nearly causing an overflow of dark memories, victorious memories, and all of the emotions that were attached to them, the images and feelings inseparably bound together for forever, until the memory of both would disappear, If it ever did.

Not knowing when it had happened, Latvia had squeezed his eyes shut and had brought a hand to cover his mouth, inhaling and exhaling shakily, his whole body shuddering. Sealand had also already pulled his hand away.

Latvia couldn't point out when exactly that had happened either.

"Raivis, Raivis..!"

Opening his eyes and blinking rapidly at the distressed and very loud plead, Latvia raised his head and saw that Sealand was just inches away from him, his hands raised in a way that resembled a half-hug, or a mother bird sheltering her young. Realising in what state he had just been in, Latvia's eyes widened and he quickly grabbed a hold of the other's hands, looking horrified over the fact that he had made the other look like that. Trembling, he opened his mouth, closed it again when no voice came out before opening it again and breathing out _"I'm so-…!"_

And that was as far as he could get before the rest of the words got stopped and strangled in his throat where they eventually died out when Sealand pulled him into the tightest hug he could manage, gritting his teeth together and speaking between them, happy and upset at the same time, but most of all just plain relieved.

"Don't bloody do that, geez…! That was Iscary/I. Really scary."

Squeezing the other one more time, Sealand finally pulled away. Staring at the Latvian, his smile also slowly drained, replaced by a ruthless expression that he pinned the other boy with for a second or two, during which Latvia was later sure his heart had stopped, before he aggressively grabbed the hem of his own shirt and pulled it over his head, throwing it aside and staring at the other challengingly again.

"…If it feels bad, just say it does!"

Yeah, even though he was relieved, Sealand was still upset. He didn't want to cause stress to the Latvian, but somehow the other seemed to insist on not clearly telling him when he was doing just that.

It was _frustrating._

Staring at the Sealander as he pulled his own shirt of, Latvia shivered and looked away in shame, biting his lip. How was he supposed to know that would happen? And now Peter was mad at him. Everything was going so terribly wrong. Then he was suddenly and violently pulled from his grim thoughts when the other grabbed his hand and yanked it towards himself, pressing it against his chest, staring at him fiercely, mouth in thin line. Latvia honestly couldn't remember when he had last seen the other like this, and he gulped, staring at him with wide eyes, chills running down his spine.

Exhaling slowly, Sealand stared into the blue eyes and sort of terrified eyes, holding his hand close to his chest and actually feeling proud of himself for taking such action. He'd show Raivis that he could trust him in everything.

"…I know I don't know exactly where those scars are from," he started, with a calmer voice than before, albeit a bit shaken and out of breath, "…And even if you told me, I'm pretty sure I still wouldn't get the full weight and all that of them. But I have my own scars too..! They're not the same, I know, I know, and I don't care if you feel bad about my scars. Because I don't..!"

At this point Latvia had stopped shaking and was just staring at the other, frozen and listening. Encouraged by this, Sealand took a deep breath and continued.

"I don't feel bad, because they are a part of me, and even if they're a bit ugly, they prove I'm a nation, I'm one of you guys! I was burnt when Sealand was burnt, even without the fire touching me, and that's why I don't feel bad about them…!" Pausing for a moment, he looked down in silence before recovering and looking up again with such fire in his eyes that it made Latvia gasp when he was confronted by it.

"We're here, we're still nations together! And Raivis..!" Sealand bellowed almost desperately, grasping his other hand as well, moving closer, eyes full of passion. "…You are even more than what I am! So don't feel bad about your own scars, you are you, right now, here with me, You're Latvia and I'm Sealand and we're together and happy and neither have died away and we are **here**..!"

Latvia's vision was starting to get blurry, and he rushed to blink rapidly to get rid of the tears. He had forgotten to blink again, how stupid of him… But he couldn't seem to make the tears go away this time.

And he couldn't seem to swallow either.

Letting out a deep sigh, Sealand stared at his lover. His lover, a much older nation than he was, much more bruised and traumatized and peculiar and whatever other adjectives he had heard other nations use when they had mentioned his Raivis. But he didn't care what Raivis was like, or what he had been, because he knew he loved him, and that was good enough for him.

And it should be good enough for Raivis.

Cocking his head as he looked at him, Sealand smiled and tried to lean so far that he could see the other's face. The older boy had lowered his head just now, but at least he wasn't shaking anymore. Even though Sealand loved that too, because it was still all Raivis.

"Raivis..?" he asked, smiling in his usual way, feeling remarkably good and liberated after getting all that out, "Did you fall asleep or wha-mmh…!"

He hadn't gotten to finish his sentence before Latvia had raised his head and grabbed the back of his, pulling him into a kiss, one that bruised.

A desperate, grateful, and most of all a loving one.

Eyes widening, Sealand's hand that wasn't still clutching Latvia's fist against his chest quickly shot to the other's shoulder and moved behind his neck from there. For the briefest moment he thought he could see reddened eyes and feel something wet against his cheeks but then he finally caught up with the kiss, closed his eyes and blocked those thoughts from his mind. You weren't supposed to ask questions when you suddenly got kissed by the person you loved - another life lesson he had learned to be true just recently.

It would've been impossible for Latvia to pinpoint what exactly in that heartfelt speech had moved him, but something had, and now he couldn't stop himself as he kissed him over and over again. They both looked young, but in reality neither were children, even if Sealand still had that youthful streak of passion and naivety in him.

But neither should be called children.

They had made love before this, and as their kisses now grew deeper and more fervent, the thoughts of them both slowly disappeared one by one. Bodies melting together, all of their scars illuminated by the faint light coming from the few sources from different corners of the room, they shut out everything around them. In their collective minds, nothing existed but them. Just the two of them, cradled together, moving in unison and filling the silence with breaths and whispers that eventually turned into gasps and moans that built up until the walls were echoing the merged sounds of their coalescence, the harmony ultimately reaching its peak and breaking down from high-pitched notes back to the low-key sounds of them trying to catch their breaths.

They lied like that on the couch for a long while even after their heartbeats had calmed down and their chests weren't rising and falling erratically in desperate attempt to take in the much needed air. Their limbs were tangled together in a way that made it difficult to see where one of them began and other ended. _But_.., Latvia thought inside his head as he closed his eyes and buried his face in the other's straw-coloured hair, _…I like this._ And as Sealand shifted himself on top of his lover and squeezed his hand he, oblivious to the other's thoughts, agreed.

After what seemed like forever, he was the first one to open his mouth.

"…I bet the soup's gone cold by now."

Grinning, he lifted his head to look at the boy under him, freeing his other arm from under them and reaching to scratch the back of his head. Latvia looked back at him and smiled mellowly.

"C-Cold soup can be delicious t-too."

Sticking his tongue out, Sealand grimaced and then snickered at the look on the other's face when his idea was rejected.

"Ewww, no way, you'll have to reheat it or I'm not eating."

"…I guess I c-could do that, yes."

Latvia's smile quivered when he gingerly brushed the Sealander's messy hair back from his forehead. His shuddering had stopped completely, and he felt safe in the shelter of the large couch and his lover, and he wasn't in a rush to do anything yet. Luckily Sealand seemed to think along the same tracks, since he hadn't yet released him from under himself, and was merely leaning against him, absently drawing circles on his chest across the scars gained over centuries. This time it fortunately didn't trigger any unwanted memories, a fact for which Latvia was most grateful for.

"…Raivis..?"

Blinking, Latvia tilted his head slightly and noticed that Sealand was staring at him with a strange look before turning to look away and sighing deeply, shaking his head precociously.

"Haa-ah, it's seriously too bad I can't stay longer than one night."

Eyes widening slightly, Latvia stared at him. _Is he_._.?_

"I mean, what's the deal with giving you duties you can't back away from? It's just work, work, work, all the time, honestly."

Feeling his heart swell, Latvia tried to hold in a smile that threatened to make itself known. He didn't want to spoil the other's act.

"…But in the end, we've got to do what we've got to do, right?"

When Sealand suddenly turned to him again, seeking confirmation, Latvia was quick to comply. "I-Indeed, we do."

Nodding his head solemnly, Sealand wrapped both of his arms around him and buried his head to his chest, not saying anything more. Blinking rapidly few times, Latvia stared at him as if waiting for a follow-up, but when it never came, he too carefully put his arms around the other and held him, sighing quietly and letting his eyes fall shut.

Somehow he had a feeling that today had been the day of the final battle in this particular war, and for once he had survived through the whole war without a single new mark on his skin.


End file.
